One Minute Melee: Ruby Rose vs. Tracer

ONE MINUTE MELEE!

WHERE ALL THE FIGHTS ARE SETTLED IN 60 SECONDS!

TWO FIGHTERS!

NO RESEARCH!

MELEE!

--

Overwatch Museum 

"Wooooooooooooow!" An excited little girl with a red cape, short-red hair and a skirt said as she stared at all the museum exhibits.

"All these cool weapons, Yang, look!" Ruby said as she blitzed around the museum.

Ruby blitzed forward but then came to a halt at what she saw sitting on a bench. It was a battle-armored gorilla with glasses. "WOAAAAAAAAH! Yang, can we keep him!" Ruby said, pointing to Winston.

Ruby stopped for a second. "Oh... yeah... gotta wait... heh..." 

Suddenly, Yang appeared but she was far different. Her hair was ripped out and her entire arm was replaced with a mechanical one. Her teeth were now replaced with denturnes and she was sitting in a wheel-chair. This was from her encounter with that "Luther Strode" fellow. She still had her blank stare from that night that was only a month ago.

"Yang, look a gorilla!" Ruby said, pointing at Winston. Yang used her text to talk device to speak. "WOW RUBY. THATS REALLY COOL." It said in a robotic voice. The gorilla kept reading its newspaper and then went to adjust its glasses- 

However, he didn't adjust them that well and the result was them falling onto the floor. 

"BUT RUBY, WE CAN'T KEEP A GORILLA. LETS MOVE ON." Yang's text to talk device said. 

"Aww..." Ruby said. 

Yang turned her wheel chair and accidentally ran over Winston's glasses while moving away... and Winston's eyes turned a violent red. He roared, stood up and punched Yang directly off of her wheelchair! Yang fell on her back as Winston got on top of her. He began punching her face over and over.

"Sis!" Ruby yelled.

Rose began punching Winston, over and over but it was no use. The gorilla would not stop punching Yang in her face. Soon, Winston punched Yang until her skull began showing. "Stop hitting my sister!" Ruby yelled. On the final blow, Yang's head exploded outward violently, bloody bits and brain pulp flying everywhere.

Winston stood up and roared furiously.

Ruby Rose fell to her knees and stared at her now headless sister.

"...sis...?"

Yang - since her head was blown the fuck off - didn't respond.

Tears dripped out of the young Huntress' eyes but then she narrowed them and stared at Winston.

"You... YOU TOOK HER FROM ME!" Ruby yelled as she pulled out Crescent Rose, her scythe.

Suddenly, a blue flash appeared before Ruby's eyes. When she saw what had appeared before her, it was a cute girl with brown hair, orange goggles and a brown uniform. 

This was Tracer. 

"Alright, big guy!" Tracer said, pulling out a new pair of glasses. "Take these and calm down! I'll handle Red right here so she doesn't kill ya!" 

Tracer turned around and pulled out both of her guns and pointed them at Ruby while the young Huntress merely pointed her scythe at Tracer. 

LET'S GO!
FIGHT!

Ruby fired a round from her scythe but in a flash of blue, Tracer, blitzed right around it. Rose kept firing but Tracer kept dodging. 
 
Eventually, Tracer was right next to Ruby, leaned in close and said... 
 
"Missed me!" 
 
Ruby swiftly turned and fired in Tracer's direction but again, the Merc had dodged it. Ruby looked around... 
 
BAM! 
 
Suddenly, she felt her back shatter. She was sent flying forward. She turned... and saw Tracer...'s foot smash into her face. The Mercenary then sweeped Ruby off of her feet. She lifted her foot and stomped down but the Huntress rolled away just barely in time. 
 
Ruby jumped up and smashed her scythe into the ground. She span around the scythe like a stripper and dropkicked Tracer in the chest. Tracer was sent flying but quickly, in a flash of blue, went back to standing. 

Tracer pointed both of her guns at the young Huntress and began rapid-firing but Ruby was quick. She dashed quickly, avoiding all of the bullets. 
 
...but what she didn't avoid was Tracer blitzing forward and kicking her in the face. Rose stumbled back, clutching her aching face in pain. She was now dazed. Now was Tracer's chance! She lifted her foot- 
 
NO! Ruby thought as she jumped back and readied her Scythe gun. She shot forward and landed a direct hit on Tracer's chest! Surprisingly, blood didn't go flying. The Mercenary appeared to be superhuman. 
 
But was Tracer done? 
 
Of course not. 
 
In a flash of blue, she blitzed right next to Ruby, giggled and then kicked the scythe out of her hand! Ruby - now defenseless - couldn't do anything as Tracer kicked her directly in the chest. 
 
Ruby slowly stood up but now she was wobbling slowly. Tracer pointed both of her guns forward and blasted them. Two blue lasers flew forward... and hit Ruby in the head. 

It appeared Tracer had... overestimated this young girl's endurance. 
 
Ruby's head exploded violently as blood flew everywhere along with brain pulp. 
 
Tracer stared in shock... and all she had to say? 
 
"...oh... oops!" 
 

K.O.! 
 

-- 

THIS MELEE'S WINNER IS... 

TRACER

One Minute Melee: Darth Vader vs. Julius Rock

ONE MINUTE MELEE!

WHERE ALL THE FIGHTS ARE SETTLED IN 60 SECONDS!

TWO FIGHTERS!

NO RESEARCH!

MELEE!

--

New York

Today was no ordinary day in New York. 

A giant, flying spaceship had landed on the streets near Corleone High Junior High School. Out of it stepped...

The man with a black helmet, dark cape and dark armor. None other than the legendary villain himself, Darth Vader. 

About a week ago, Vader was here but he had left the planet as it was unworthy. However, while he was there, a man named Jerome had came up to the Sith Lord and said right to his face the following words: 
 
"Hey L'il dude from the stars above, lemme hold a dollar." 
 
Vader gave him the dollar, thinking Jerome would return it... he never did. 
 
Vader made his way down the street when he turned to see where he met Jerome. He wasn't there. What was there was a woman known as Rochelle who began to walk up to Darth Vader. 
 
"OH NONONONONNONONONO," Rochelle began. "SIR, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TAKE YOUR GIANT SPACESHIP AND PARK IT SOMEWHERE ELSE BECAUSE THAT IS BLOCKING OUR ROAD." 
 
Vader - now annoyed - merely pulled out his lightsaber. "Your complaints are insignificant to the power of the force." 
 
Rochelle sensed a fight coming. "OH HELL NO, I DON'T GOT TIME FOR THIS, MY MAN HAS TWO JOBS." 
 
Rochelle turned to her apartment and yelled, "JULIUS!"

The door to Rochelle's apartment opened up and out stepped a black man in a jumpsuit with a nametag saying 'Julius'. 
 
"Rochelle, what is it?" Julius asked as he made his way down the steps and turned to face his wife. Rochelle pointed at Darth Vader and said, "This tin man just parked his spaceship right on our street!" 
 
Julius turned to see the massive vehicle and said, "I don't see why this matters. I mean, just let the robot do what hes gotta do..." 
 
Vader was now irritated. With a motion of the force, Vader lifted a rock off of the ground and pushed it at Rochelle and Julius. Both of them ducked and the rock missed, shattering the Rock's apartment's window. Julius looked back at the broken window, baffled and then turned to face Vader. "Thats three-hundred dollars right down the drain!" He said. Now infuriated, Julius faced Vader as Rochelle walked back inside. As his wife walked inside, she said, "Have fun, honey!" 
 
The two fathers faced each other but only one would survive. 

DADDY'S HOME!
FIGHT! 

Vader made the first move. He dashed forward and slashed with his lightsaber. Much to his dismay, however, Julius was far quicker than he seemed and managed to duck underneath the slash. Julius stepped back away from the Sith Lord to get some distance...

He needed a weapon. Quickly, Julius reached down and pulled his belt out. Sure, his pants would fall more likely but it was a weapon nonetheless. 

Vader lunged forward and stabbed at Julius but Chris Rock's dad was not going to die just yet. With a motion of his hand, Julius made his belt wrap around Vader's lightsaber. He pulled with all his might and now, Julius Rock had a red, glowing lightsaber in one hand and a belt in the other.

He began twirling the belt and lightsaber until both were like helicopter blades. Vader needed to do something fast or this could get him in some deep shit. Thats when he remembered that he sort of had the ability to just move stuff with telekinesis.

Of course, this would work! 

Using his telekinesis, Vader pulled his blade right out of Julius' hand. "Hey man, now that just ain't fair!" Julius said. 

Vader's response? 

Simple. 

With a motion of the Force, Vader lifted Julius off of his feet and tossed him back into a fire hydrant. This resulted in the hydrant being broken and water shooting up into the skies above. Julius survived the impact and began to stand. He saw the broken hydrant and looked at it with disgust. "THAT'S ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN!" Mr. Rock ranted, despite now even owning said hydrant. 

"Costs are insignificant to the power of the dark side." Vader quipped as he then caused a ball of electricity to appear. Vader blasted the ball of electricity forward. It hit the plume of water and caused electricity to spray out everywhere! Julius' eyes widened in shock as the blast nailed him in the chest and caused him to fall onto his back. 

Mr. Rock slowly stood and rubbed his head... and then reached into his pockets. He pulled out his coins... which had all melted from the electricity. Julius looked back at Vader with nothing but rage. "...thats THIRTY SEVEN CENTS COMPLETELY WASTED!" He yelled. Julius dashed at Vader but the Sith Lord was ready. He used the Force to lift Julius-

It didn't do shit. Julius broke the power of the Force, blitzed forward and smashed his fist into Vader's helmet! To say that Anakin had the mother of all headaches would be an understatement. The Sith Lord stumbled back and clutched his skull. Could he possibly lose to this mere truck driver?! Impossible... 

Vader, however, didn't feel completely pathetic. With a quick twist of the Force, he threw Julius into the sky and with another boost of power from the Force, he sent Julius flying across the street! Julius landed on his back and moaned in pain. 

Julius slowly stood up and realized he needed more power to win this. Thats when he remembered what was in his pocket. He pulled out a bottle of Old Spice. 

Rock didn't want to have to use this but circumstances demanded it. He pulled the cap off of the bottle... and then... a massive flash of light blinded Vader. 

When the light vanished and revealed Julius' fate, he was no longer an ordinary man. 

Now... 

He was...

The Old Spice guy.

Vader channeled a massive amount of his Force powers into four electrical balls. "You underestimate me..." The Sith Lord said. With that, every ball of electricity was sent flying forward and bombarded Julius with them. The balls exploded, creating a large layer of smoke nobody could see through.

"You were impressive... but not impre-" Vader was interrupted by a sudden yelling.

"OLD SPICE IS SO GOOD THAT IT MAKES YOU IMMUNE TO ELECTRICITY!"

Julius blasted forward and kneed Vader in the stomach. If it weren't for his mask, Vader would have vomited his lunch all over the place. The Sith Lord was sent flying through the skies and landed on his back. He could barely stand. He looked around and noticed that Rock was nowhere to be found.

But he knew he was up to something...

But... what was it?

"THIS IS SIX-HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SIX DOLLARS GOING TO COMPLETE WASTE!!!"

Vader looked up and nearly took a dump in his mechanical pants from the shocking view. The sun was blocked out by Julius fucking Rock holding a delivery truck over his head and coming down onto him. Julius slammed the truck on top of Vader and began punching it over and over until he pulled back his fist and slammed into the truck so hard that it exploded.

As soon as the blast vanished, Vader was on his knees in the middle of a crater. His armor was broken, bits of it was scratched or even broken off and he couldn't stand up.

Julius began walking over to Vader. The Sith Lord lifted his hand and began applying the Force onto Rock... who didn't budge.

Vader stared in shock at this... man.

No, this was no ordinary man.

It was fear, manliness, greediness and courage all smashed into one powerful man.

Julius pulled out a box and grabbed Vader. He shoved the Sith Lord into the box and sealed it up. He taped it as well.

He tossed the box into the air, pulled back his foot and yelled...

"SPECIAL DELIVERY FOR DARTH SIDIOUS!" 
 
With that, he kicked the box and it was sent flying. It went into orbit in an instant and flew right into the Death Star. The collision resulted in the Death Star exploded. The blast echoed throughout the universe as Vader yelled...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And that was the last of the great Sith Lord.

Julius put his hand on his hips and began to shake his head. "Thats 852,000,000,000,000,000 dollars completely wasted..."

Julius was suddenly consumed in a bright flash of light. Upon the light going away, Julius was back in his jumpsuit and no longer in his Old Spice form.

He turned to walk inside, completely ignoring the cries of help from someone...

Chris Rock was stuck underneath one of the broken pieces of the Death Star and tried to get out.

"DAD! DAD! WAIT, DAD! HELP!"

Julius didn't hear him and walked inside.

Everybody HaaaaAAAATTTTEEES CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIS...
 

K.O.! 

--

THIS MELEE'S WINNER IS...

JULIUS ROCK

One Minute Melee: Guts vs. Esdeath

ONE MINUTE MELEE!

WHERE ALL THE FIGHTS ARE SETTLED IN 60 SECONDS!

TWO FIGHTERS!

NO RESEARCH!

MELEE!

--

Midland

Needless to say, Midland was fucked.

Entire armies of men that were armed to the teeth... were now all dead. The men's corpses scattered across the wasteland. They had holes in them, blood pouring out of them and some had organs spilled across the ground.

Among the massacre stood a single woman. Said woman had blue hair, a white uniform and a cap. This was General Esdeath... and at her knees was a man with long and white hair. He was naked and chained up.

Esdeath sat on a pile of corpses as Griffith licked her boots. He sat up on both of his legs and behaved like a puppy in front of Esdeath, panting and wiggling his tongue in the process. The face on the general was... annoyed.

"What a waste of my time..." She said as she looked into Griffith's eyes. "This is one of the members of the God Hand?!" Esdeath said irritated. As she said this, she looked at Griffith again... and refused to believe that he was anywhere to be labelled as a God.

"You bore me..." Esdeath said.

"Die."

With a quick motion of her foot, her heel flew upward and smashed into Griffith's face. The heel dug into his face and quickly ripped the front of it off. The member of the God Hand collapsed, dead.

Esdeath stood up and looked around the wasteland of dead warriors and said, "Is there anyone who can actually challenge me here?"

Suddenly, the Ice General turned to the sound of metal clanging against the ground. She saw a man with a brown hair. Said hair was a buzzcut and he was missing one eye. One of his arms was made of metal and he held a giant, thick blade over his shoulder.

This was Guts, the Black Swordsman.

"So, is he dead?" Guts asked.

Esdeath looked at Griffith's corpse. "Yes, is there a problem?"

"Well, theres one..."

Esdeath raised a brow-

And quickly evaded an arrow shot out of Guts' metallic arm cannon.

She turned to face the Black Swordsman and pulled out her Rapier and pointed it at Guts' neck.

Guts merely got into a stance and pointed the Dragonslayer directly at Esdeath.

"You. TOOK. MY. KILL!"

A giant, shit-eating grin appeared on Esdeath's face... perhaps this fight could be interesting.

ITS KILL OR BE KILLED!
FIGHT!

Guts blitzed forward and the Dragonslayer clashed with Esdeath's rapier. Sparks flew from the impact of the weapons but the Ice General thought quickly and lifted her heel and nailed Guts in the chest. The Black Swordsman rolled back onto the battlefield behind him but managed to stand up and shake himself off from the hit.

He pointed his metal cannon arm forward which opened up. It blasted out a small cannonball that nailed Esdeath directly in the chest. She was sent soaring back but managed to land on her two feet.

With a motion of her hands, several sharp icy stalagmites appeared... and all were sent flying at Guts. The Black Swordsman jumped into the air and waved the Dragonslayer around. The sword perfectly slashed down every ice projectile and Guts fell back down to land-

Much to his misfortune, Esdeath was in front of him and stabbed her Rapier into Guts' chest. The Swordsman coughed up blood onto the blade. With a motion of her hand, Esdeath lifted the Rapier above her head and threw Guts off of it.

Guts landed on his back and slowly began to stand back up. "This fight bores me." Esdeath said. "I guess I should just end it here-"

To say that the Black Swordsman was a quick man would be an understatement. He blitzed forward, Dragonslayer forward and rammed it right into Esdeath chest. With a twist of the massive, thick sword, he ripped open Esdeath's chest. Blood was sent flying everywhere, along with some ripped up organs.

Esdeath landed on her back and coughed up some blood. She stood back up and shook herself... and laughed. "Yes, yes, yes! Now this is FUN."

Despite the insane injuries, the Ice General could still move and impressively fast. She dashed forward and her Rapier locked with Guts' Dragonslayer is a clash. The two stared into each other's eyes. Guts looked at her with nothing more than a pissed off face while Esdeath smiled like a kid at a candy store.

The Ice General slid her Rapier down the Dragonslayer and swiftly slashed at Guts' knee. The Black Swordsman fell to his knees.

"You were a great warrior..." Esdeath said as she kicked Guts onto his back. "...but you are still weak..."

She stepped onto Guts' chest and looked directly into his face. "...and the weak shall be crushed beneath the boots... of the strong..."

Esdeath's heel began to go upwards...

"The weak? Beneath the boots of the strong?!" Guts said in confused rage.

Esdeath brought her heel down, ready to crush Guts' head into a bloody pulp...

"...no..."

Upon smashing onto Guts' forehead... the Black Swordsman didn't even budge. Worse so, was the shockwave from the impact traveled up Esdeath's leg and for the first time in this battle, she stepped back and let out a pained yell.

She turned to see Guts stand... before a wolf-like helmet wrapped around Guts' head. He stood up and stared directly at Esdeath.

The Berserker Armor had come out to play.

Esdeath's grin was larger than ever.

The Ice General blitzed forward along with Guts and locked their blades once more. However, this time, it was no contest in a battle of who was stronger. Guts swiftly pushed his might into the blow and sent Esdeath sliding back a few steps. She regained her footing-

And already, the raging Swordsman already dashed forward and brought his blade down. Esdeath managed to jump back as the sword smashed into the ground. It was now stuck. The Ice General took her chance and jumped on top of it and came falling back down with her Rapier pointed at Guts. Quickly, the Black Swordsman poured his might into pulling out the Dragonslayer from the ground and swung upwards-

Only to completely miss Esdeath who landed in front of the now completely wide open Black Swordsman. She made quick work with her Rapier and repeatedly slashed at Guts' stomach. With each blow, more and more blood began to pour out of the Black Swordsman's body... and he yelled... not in pain but in rage. He thrusted his head forward and headbutted Esdeath, full-force. The Ice General was now the owner of the mother of all headaches.

She stumbled back and clutched her head... only to then feel Guts ram into her stomach and knock her onto her back. However, before Guts could bring his sword down onto Esdeath like a guillotine, the Ice General swiftly rolled out of the way and jumped back up.

She backed up and readied herself for victory by standing up and saying one word...

"Mahapadma..."

Everything stopped. The wind stopped blowing. The clouds stopped moving. Everything stopped. Time stopped upon Esdeath's words... and most importantly?

Guts wasn't moving.

She began to walk up to Guts.

"Magnificent." She said. "You did magnificent... but all good things must come to an end..."

She moved her hand and in glow of light, a spear made entirely of ice appeared. She stabbed it directly into Guts' stomach... and right through his heart. The spear was poking out through the back of Guts' body...

Time resumed. Esdeath awaited to see the Black Swordsman fall down, dead.

But he didn't. He looked down at the ice spear... and merely roared in furious rage. Esdeath was amazing as Guts lunged forward and punched her right in the cheek. She was sent flying sky-high before coming to a landing on her back. Her bones were now beyond shattered... but she refused to die. Esdeath was now more pissed off and frustrated.

She looked up to see Guts coming down with the Dragonslayer... that would NOT happen. She jumped back and dodged the blow. Now the Swordsman was open and she raised her heel and smashed it into Guts' helmet. The Berserker Armor helmet was sent flying... and underneath it, what did Esdeath see?

Esdeath - someone who had seen the most bloodied, crazy, deadly men ever... felt herself tense up at the sight of Guts' face. She had never seen such an insane face in her life. It showed so many emotions, she couldn't describe it.

For the first time in a long time, Esdeath backed up away from something in fear.

Guts dashed forward and launched the Dragonslayer at the Ice General. It ripped right into her stomach. The Black Swordsman jumped upward and as a result, the sword flew up with him and split Esdeath's body in two. The two halves of the Ice General fell to the ground.

Guts hoisted the Dragonslayer over his shoulder and turned to leave. Before leaving, however, he looked back on the Ice General and said something to her corpse. "Good fight, soldier... a damn good fight."

K.O.! 

--

THIS MELEE'S WINNER IS...

GUTS